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An Epic Poem by Ben Huot
Arising from the Inland Empire
In a land of Opportunity
He toiled all summer
As a peasant farmer
He broke his back in the fields
From dawn until dusk
Chasing headless chickens
And defeathering them
The more he argued
The more his share of the work increased
Proving himself with the pen
And finding fulfillment in homework
He pioneered the laser industry
And his original research can be seen everywhere
A leader by heart
He broke into the ranks
In a trial by fire
Leading young boys
To build forts in the forest
Immersing himself Native American lore
And dancing the funky chicken
He earned himself a place
In southern California surfer country
Camping out in the library for weeks on end
He struck out for a career in social work
With his passion for learning
He played the pivotal role
In saving Israel from its neighbors
Leading his line of dishwashers
And outperforming the trained sanitation workers
In Yom Kippur, 1972
He was the American with the propeller hat
He came home to break into the seed industry
The man behind all distribution of seed
In the back woods of Idaho and Washington
Graduating from his studies
His life changed forever
As his soulmate returned his love
And clumsy attempts at romance
The most eligible young woman on campus
Made him the happiest man in the world
Finishing his schooling in Denver
He had me, the highlight of his life
And my sister
As he prepared the dead for a banquet
And sent them to greener pastures
Blazing across the country
Styling in a compact hatchback
They settled close to family
In the Willamette Valley
His hand bled all day and night
As he struggled in the steel jaws
Creating beams for houses
And wood that was stronger than steel
Fighting for years to break into management
He decided to change course midstream
The school sirens beckoned him
And he could not resist their call
Living in the back of a station wagon
For over a year
He studied all day
And worked all night
Keeping a 4.0 average
He was beyond human
But he yearned for more challenges
And he had the opportunity
So he applied to be a teacher’s teacher
And his first job he had his own school
And now he is a leader of that small town
And he doesn’t mind the smell of the mills
His dog and 3 cats keep him busy
And his wife takes care of him
He had a nice life despite the fact that
His life was filled with blood, sweat, and tears
By Ben Huot
My first memory is of her
Taking her to the hospital
The sunrise was beautiful
And I was so young
My next memory is of building
With Lincoln logs she had given me
It was a dark rainy morning
And I could see my sister going out to school
I remember bringing home stacks of schoolwork
And she after each one, gave a comment
We pined up a flannel character
For each day of Christmas
We made crafts for Cub Scouts
And we went to the Blue and Gold banquet
She felt my hamster
To check if he was dead
We traveled in the nation’s capitol
After my conference was over
She came to watch me run
Even though I was dead last in every race
She came to be a chaperon
At a speech conference
She kept me alive with her letters
As I trained for war
She supported my leaving
And gave me a place to stay
She brought me to the hospital
And filled out paperwork
She gave me furniture
And helped me with my finances
So now I am independent
And these are just a few
Of the good memories I have
With her
What is a single tear worth?
What would one more minute be like?
How can I count past a day
When each hour tears a piece of me away?
What would I do with an hour?
How would I remember you?
Can I last a week?
Each moment lasts forever
Sitting in anticipation
Sleep beckons me
Will a dream draw me closer?
There are no visitors at night
Maybe this afternoon
You can wander amongst the panorama of my longing
Tears hurt too much to continue
Silence is too hard to keep
How will I show my affection
When I am so weak
I can barely remember your face
Your voice is weak
What would it be like
For you to call out my name
My memory grows faint
I grasp at straws
The longer I think
The less I can imagine
Did you love me less
When I saw you more often?
Are a few hours too much?
Do you try to silence my voice
The days drag on endlessly
There is plenty of room in my heart
Why do I feel so down?
Why does Wesley cheer me up?
When I answer the phones
How can I stop from thinking of your hang-up
Will the therapist want me to see you less?
Will companionship count for therapy?
The longer I am away
The sooner I get to see you again
If only the wait
Would pass by much quicker
Another day
Another phone call
What do you want?
I called to say
You are my friend
You are the mustard on my soy dogs
You are the casserole at just the right temperature
When I feel like crying
When the world seems so large and I so small
I think of you and smile
There is no medicine that acts more quickly
Than the comfort of your voice
One moment in time
Is what four hours with you is like
The world stops
And your thoughts make a soft light
And a warm glow
I stop to think of you
And I am at ease
When I dial the phone
It is like I am calling home
In one word
You restore sanity to my mind
Your prayers
Flow the current like a gentle creek
You watch over me
Like a tree that stretches over me
An inch above my head
There is no fear
When you are serious
There is still hope
Even when you are sick
We walk at the same pace
But you are more steady than me
And you can walk a mile more
There is nothing that could keep you from caring
No frustration could keep you from trying
You have more impact on me than the military
You are more important than finding a wife
Even in my darkest hour I know I can count on you
No voice is stronger than yours
We watch the grass change from green to yellow
We wake up to fresh air and new light
The days have rhythm
And the years do to
Our life we take at one day at a time
Looking forward to a night of restful sleep
When something changes
We take baby steps
But sometimes things happen more quickly
Sometimes there is no time to stop and reflect
We spend much of our time preparing for these moments
But how could one be ready
It all changes in a moment
We hurry to make it in time
But we must wait again
Injury can happen in a moment
But healing takes much longer
Flowers can bring beauty
And cards hope
But a friend is what brings joy
How do we love without crying?
When those we love are hurting
Job made time to thank God in his trials
But we are not patriarchs
We are only sheep looking for a shepherd
We all fear the inevitable
But there in lies our greatest hope
It is in these times we look for guidance
But all we have to do is look around
In our midst is a peace
A comforter that never leaves
Who can say there is a a reason
Why the grass is not always green
Or why we can not always be young
When time stands still
It can be a blessing
Every word can be meaningful
When we look to our special verses
And awkward pictures
And handwritten letters
Sometimes a moment can last forever
And that is not always bad
I can hold it in my hands
I can appreciate the significance
But what I would only give
To have the person behind the memory
I pass by the painting
And I get a glimpse of a shadow
Is she there?
Within one minute
I see back to my childhood
Of house owned by others
And events long forgotten
What joy there was
In an hour of anticipation
What a time we had
With simple pleasures
Picking out cereal
And waking up in our second home
Years later we were closer
And we could ride our bikes
Over there
The same people
All older and more their own person
A walking pace
I could not match
Cats I could not catch
A talk that seemed to go one forever
I not grasping the accent
She patient and forgiving
Then flashing forward
Like a dream I saw her
Meeting me in the hospital
And there was little to say
I could not even
Keep my sanity
But I was always a little weird
And she was so much more sophisticated
I don't know if it was really a shock
As I began to recover
She was given only a little more time
And she moved again
And I saw her more at the end
Than ever before
She had humor to the very end
And picked up on the slightest subtlety
Beary and Bow sat with her
And they were very well behaved
by Ben Huot
dedicated to my parents
"Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God." --1 Corinthians 10:31
"By pleasure we mean the absence of pain in the body and of trouble in the soul. It is not an unbroken succession of drinking-bouts and of merrymaking, not sexual love, not the enjoyment of the fish and other delicacies of a luxurious table, which produce a pleasant life; it is sober reasoning, searching out the grounds of every choice and avoidance, and banishing those beliefs through which the greatest disturbances take possession of the soul." --Epicurus in his "Letter to Menoeceus"
It is common for someone who is starting as a Buddhist monk to be required to get their diet under control before going any further into advanced practices like meditation. In traditional China, before someone could be a politician, they had to master being a doctor, and before they could become a doctor they had to master their own health. In modern times we like to isolate problems and pull things out of context and in so doing miss the main point in keeping ourselves healthy and our community harmonious. We like to say that all you have to do is drink diet cola, and only eat high protein foods. But the body needs variety more than any thing else. We cannot trick the body into thinking something is sugar or fat that is not or consume carbohydrates that can't be digested. In the end, the body will manage the best it can, but your weight will go out of control and you may have some of your organs fail on you. Your diet will likely need to be even more restrictive. The problems could have been prevented in the first place by just eating a wide variety of foods with the appropriate serving sizes. We try the same things in our modern culture on a political level. We make complex laws so that they can get passed through congress, but they end up with so many loop holes that the problem is just masked, not resolved. We wait for problems to get so big that they require radical solutions and often they create even more serious side effects than the problems they were meant to fix. A hundred years ago children had to work long hours in order to feed their families and their working conditions were inhuman. Now our kids roam the streets in gangs because they aren't allowed to hold jobs. Instead of teaching kids what is relevant to what they need to get employed like how to read, write and do math, we have them play games on computers, learn about how we guess the world was created, how the government is supposed to work, play games with balls, and learn the corporations' version of history. The kids are bored and then they cause problems for the rest of their class.
"Wherefore, my brethren, when ye come together to eat, tarry one for another." --1 Corinthians 11:33
"Of all the means which are procured by wisdom to ensure happiness throughout the whole of life, by far the most important is the acquisition of friends." --Epicurus in "Principal Doctrines" (Article 27)
All of the ten commandments God gave to Moses involve our interactions with other people. God never intended us to live as high-tech hermits. But that is what we have become as we "advance" technologically. We now can see the world through our computer screens, get virtual dates, and form communities all with out leaving our rooms. It is true that some things can be done much easier by computer, but although good writing and art can be communicated effectively across the Web, in order to create them it requires experiences outside the computer screen and reading real books and going to real places. The best way to tell if you are out of balance is to live in close contact with other people. And relationships that are formed through physical interactions will survive longer and are more fulfilling.
"And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity." --2 Peter 1:5-7
"The value of Virtue is therefore peculiar and distinct; it depends on kind and not on degree." --Cicero in "Cato's Defense of Stoic Ethics"
Virtue depends on certain defining moments, whereas happiness depends partially on the length of time it occurs over. So suffering for a longer period of time does not necessarily build character, while struggling at critical moments of life can bring about growth. Depression for some people like myself can happen when I get overtired and will almost always go away after I go to sleep. But depression can be caused by a variety of factors and some are less intense and more easily treated than others. Clinical or major depression is caused by an imbalance of chemicals in the brain and lasts for six months or longer despite treatment. This kind of depression is all consuming where a person will not get out of bed for weeks at a time and they sink as if into a pit where they can see no escape. There is hope with modern medication and despite the fact that medication may be necessary, attitude also helps, because, as it is with most medicines, the symptoms are only reduced, they are hardly ever taken away completely. But it is the lessening of degree where the depression can be reduced to the point of being useful in growing patience and sympathy for others. Because while at its full strength there is no way out, at a lower intensity it can be effectively dealt with.
"We deem health to be deserving of a certain value, but we do not reckon it a good; at the same time we rate no value so highly as to place it above virtue." --Cicero in "Cato's Defense of Stoic Ethics"
Although staying healthy and being financially secure can increase happiness, what gives eternal joy is living a holy life. Health is more than just your physical well-being. Your relationships with others as well as what you do when no one is watching define who you are and are the basis for your true self-worth. When you suffer in pain for what seems no reason there is not much redeeming out of the experience. But the attitude you choose to approach the inevitable situation with can give meaning and value despite the suffering involved. Depression is in one sense simply painful like physical sickness or serious injury. In another sense though depression can be greatly affected by your attitude. Certainly with major depression your whole mood is changed by your brain chemistry and at a certain point it is to powerful to fight against successfully unless under the influence of powerful antidepressants. Fighting against your melancholy, once brought under control by medication if necessary, can bring a sense of control and can be a way to grow from the experience. I know when I struggle with paranoia, which in some ways is like depression with the simple pain, medication factor, and attitude component, it is empowering when I am able to identify certain thoughts as irrational or not useful. This is the basis of meditation - to gain control over your thoughts. Meditation uses the method of focusing on one thing or letting go of each thought as it enters your head as a way to strengthen the mind. Unfortunately, I get too exhausted by my medication to be able to put the necessary effort into meditating.
"Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun. Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest. I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all." --Ecclesiastes 9:9-11
We spend our youth growing strong, our child rearing years growing wise, and our career building years growing our skills; but this is all of no account. Our life is mostly a product of our circumstances but we need not worry as God is Lord of our lives and has a plan for us. All we can see is a hint there of what we can't explain which we can attribute to God with faith, but it is in the times we never stop to notice that God really works miracles in our lives and is faithful in watching over us. We can easily count the times that we have suffered loss, but we never seem to keep track of the blessings we receive, assuming some other source than our Heavenly Father. Our earthly life is not the end all of our existence, but it gives us an opportunity to learn skills that are unique to our time on Earth and to enjoy our family. Life is just a set of experiences that means nothing in and of itself, but as we live a life of faith we can see how God's grace gives everlasting meaning to our lives. But while we are here we have opportunities to learn and grow in skills and God is asking us to have a passion about it. We don't know what we will do after we die and are raised to Heaven, but there must be someway in which we can use our skills to some eternal significance. And we can't know how our passion that we live our lives with affects others. We need not fear the unknown and the lack of purpose we feel in our lives, but use it to grow our faith.
"After those days, saith the LORD, I will put my law in their inward parts, and write it in their hearts; and will be their God, and they shall be my people." --Jeremiah 31:33
All God asks us is to follow our conscience and in the faith of Abraham. We don't have to worry about whether we know the Law well enough or our pastor has a direct line to God. We are given an opportunity to always know what is right and wrong. We need only follow our hearts. God wants us to live our life not thinking through every possible ramification of what we do and worrying whether or not it will net more good than problems. We can only live by faith and by the grace that comes from God's side.
"The hand of the diligent shall bear rule: but the slothful shall be under tribute." --Proverbs 12:24
Diligence is a universal language and those that give 150% regularly will always be respected by their employer.
"The soul of the sluggard desireth, and hath nothing: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat." --Proverbs 13:4
Working hard is a reliable way to be sure you are provided for.
"In all labour there is profit: but the talk of the lips tendeth only to penury." --Proverbs 14:23
The gift of gab is not respected in the workplace and is frowned upon by management.
"Love not sleep, lest thou come to poverty; open thine eyes, and thou shalt be satisfied with bread." --Proverbs 20:13
Working long hours shows your commitment to the job and helps secure your place at your workplace.
"The thoughts of the diligent tend only to plenteousness; but of every one that is hasty only to want." --Proverbs 21:5
Patience will keep you focused and your job will remain secure.
"Seest thou a man diligent in his business? he shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean men." --Proverbs 22:29
If you want your employer to treat you well then work faithfully every hour of your employment.
"He that tilleth his land shall have plenty of bread: but he that followeth after vain persons shall have poverty enough." --Proverbs 28:19
Focus on your work and do not trouble yourself with trying to impress your co-workers with anything besides your work ethic.
"And whatsoever mine eyes desired I kept not from them, I withheld not my heart from any joy; for my heart rejoiced in all my labour: and this was my portion of all my labour." --Ecclesiastes 2:10